I wanted to write a post just about this little bugger. We really didn’t have much time to prepare for his arrival and with just having moved to a new town and also having a 10 month old… those first few months were kinda survival months. (Ones that I couldn’t have made it through were it not for my in-loves and my family!!) Fast forward 17 months and both Dan and I are find ourselves often being unexpectedly moved by his smile or a wave of emotion hit us when he wants to cuddle or marvel when he picks up a new phrase. (he repeats everything Zoe says 🙂 I will say that bonding takes time. I haven’t felt guilty for not being this emotional over him in the past but I know Dan has felt moments of wondering if he felt towards him what other dad’s were feeling towards their sons. And yes, we technically have been fostering him so I think there is a heart adjustment or guarding aspect that you have to consider there. But also it’s just hard work that first year of their life. It’s a lot of giving… a lot of sacrifice, and not a lot of reward or giving back. I wish I could say that during night feedings or afternoon unconsolable times that thinking about his sweet little feet or how much he’s growing were what thoughts we were having, no, it’s more like resenting the punks that didn’t have the sense to take care of their baby or wondering if they or this child will ever be truly grateful for these moments that no one sees but still drastically effect your everyday life. That year was hard….. but Christ sustained.
Now, we are seeing rewards and are being given back to on a daily basis. He just KEEPS getting cuter and cuter!! He KEEPS becoming more and more affectionate. He KEEPS learning and exploring and obeying more and more. And I can’t sit back and wonder if I was wrong in not feeling all these surges of affection for him last year… but I can look at the role of a parent and see how this is a reward from God as we obey Him in caring and raising these little ones. And from what so many of you have told me, it just KEEPS getting better and BETTER!!!!!
I can’t wait to see all the emotions, affections, swells, and changes next year will bring us with him. That being said… I can’t wait (and I can’t believe I get to say this) to see what 20 years will bring us with him!!! It shouldn’t be long before his adoption will be finalized. His birthmom has signed all her rights over to us, now it’s just getting the birthdad to do the same and some court dates.