Jack ~ Six Months Old

Happy Half Birthday Little Man Jack!! 

If you remember, We Chappell's like to celebrate the very first 1/2 Birthday of someone's. 

Here are some sweet pics of Jack's 1/2 cake and present!! 

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 I can't believe he's 6 months old!! He's sitting up on his own and almost crawling. He's almost in sz 4 diapers. (zoe remember was still in sz 1 at 6 months!) He watches every move big sissy Zoe makes and if she's nearby he's a happy boy! I love seeing his teeth come in and seeing his hand eye cordination develop. I love making him smile… he doesn't give his smiles away and really makes you work a.k.a. make a fool of yourself for them.  He loves playing with my face while drinking his bottle and his eyes never take their gaze off mine the whole time. mmmm… I love this boy!!!! 

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It's starting to get really hard to be honest. I know he's not mine… yet he might be…and for right now he is…but for right now he's not. I know his parents do love him…. but do they know what sacrificial love really is? Are they in love with him or the idea of him? Have they changed from their past lives? Does Jack really have to be theirs while they are trying to prove so? They want to know from us what that looks like for them, but they don't even know what the rest of their sentence looks like for them either. I do feel for them and reading their letters does help me to have compassion on their situations. It's just hard. We are doing the hard work. We are loving this child when he has little to give back. We are paying for his every need. We have insured he knows how to bond by being the ones to bond with him. This is fostering. I know that. It's just hard. Most days I'm great and my heart is at ease, but the older he gets the more my heart and soul gets restless and has moments of panic at the thought of what might happen at the end of this year. I know it keeps me at my God's feet and my lips close to His ears… and I think in a big way that I'm okay and even welcome that tether to God. It's just hard. 

But it's also so easy. Easy to love him, easy to include him into our family, easy to care for him after having gone through the same motions 10 months before, easy to tell his story to whomever will listen, easy to watch him grow and develop, easy to have two sets of grandparents who have opened up their hearts to him as well, easy to have lots of aunts and uncles who LOVE him and love to hold him. (he LOVES to be held!!! which he is a 3rd born so Drea, maybe there is something to that theory.) And so very easy to call him my son

It's easy…. but boy is it hard.  

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