tears for others… reminders of grace

This isn't the catch up blog post I have been wanting to write. It's just me writing my experience the past few days. 

I've sobbed my head off the past three days and each time it was over a child dying.

 Some family of some friends of mine just lost their almost 5 month old to SIDS. She was a school teacher and went back to work and on her first day back she ended up at the hospital because her son had stopped breathing during a nap that day. They couldn't get him to start breathing again. 

Then I was watching a rerun on TV and it was about a father who wouldn't stop for a second to find a cure for his dying little girl. Only to realize he needed to just stop and hold her during her last few minutes on earth. I know this was only acting.. but I know that happens in hospitals all the time. And I know that it represents how letting go of your child is one of the hardest most unnatural thing a parent will do. 

Then today, I came across this on an adoption blog I follow. Even though Asher didn't have Trisomy 13… I feel a very strong burden for these families because except for the last week of my pregnancy we were treated and strongly led to think that that would be the case with him. 
I can so feel deeply for this couple but also know the amazing mercy of God that they were able to be swallowed up in.  Even though I still live in that same mercy and grace at times it doesn't feel near as present as it was those first few months. I don't wake up at night sobbing anymore… I don't lay in bed thinking my life is a surreal nightmare of sorts… in fact I don't cry much these days. And so I'm actually grateful for weeks like this when I can cry and I am reminded of the emotions and the rawness of what those weeks and months were like and how BIG and tender God was… because He still is.  

So, wether you had time to say goodbye to your child or it was the last thing you ever thought you'd have to say or do. I am crying for your pain and praying for supernatural grace for you this week. 

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