systems may fail, but love hopes, believes, it never fails!
I say that because I think I had envisioned this smooth process once the way April lives was exposed. But I'm finding that each step takes a bunch of mini-steps and that people don't operate on our time schedules or even in a timely manner at all.
I have to admit it's been a frustrating few days for me. I have wanted to be treated a certain way and wasn't. I wanted to have confidence in what was going to happen to April and Tash and haven't. I wanted things to happen in a clear understood way and it hasn't. So, I found myself sitting in the hospital with April who was full of questions and in need of direction and I didn't really have any answers or help to offer her because I didn't know what was going on. If you know me, you know I like to be able to have control or make things happen and I had neither. But I had time. time to sit with her the past two days. time to hold her baby. time to just think about how good God was to spare this child's life and to create him totally healthy and thriving.
While I was thinking, I realized that of all the countless outcomes that I had invisioned or tried to prepare myself and April for, there was only a few possible outcomes at this point and ALL of them were very hopeful and good situations for the baby and april as well. There was not going to be any long hospital stay or grieving with April her son's death. He was beautiful and she was sitting there holding him and crying over her life and poor decisions. She was saying she wanted him and that she was going to love him and that her only choice was to choose to get her life together and mother him. She was never going to be the same. I told her that back in August and here she was holding him and looking at me with dark circles under her hurting eyes and laughing and sharing stories about the past few months of anticipating his coming.
I don't know what will happen and everything in me says it will take a miracle for her to change and actually do what it takes to get him back. I can't see it happening. But I still have to hope and pray that our God who opens blind eyes and makes alive dead hearts will have mercy on her and make her a child of his. Talk about Redeeming Love! Lord, Please do this for Your name sake.
I also believe that this little one who may never know just how lucky he is to be alive after not being terminated at the beginning and surviving crack use and countless sexual encounters and poor hygiene and being homeless. I wish I could be the one to tell him one day about the AMAZING GOD who gave him life and protected him. I wish I could tell him that he is so much more than a product of a prostitute who wasn't "playing it safe". That Jesus Himself came from a heritage and lineage of prostitutes and unfaithful men and women and very unlikely canidates for producing God's Son. But for some reason God saw fit that those unlikely people would be a part of something so much greater than their own lives though they never lived to see the earthly results, I know they are humble and magnifying their Savior for His love for them and His unmerited favor.
Lord, grant favor on this little guy. Make him a great warrior for you. Redeem his sin ridden beginnings and his confusing unprepared for birth. Heal his body from any remains of drugs that might be hidden and most of all Heal his heart from sin and Give him a love for You and a desire to make your name great and for him to find all his worth in You alone!!