rose colored glasses

The past few weeks have been such a blur. I photographed two weddings in November and now with the digital age a lot of the work in weddings happen after it's been captured and on the computer. With the quickness of Zoe's adoption and plus spending thanksgiving in Texas and last but not least throw in Christmas. It's been a blur….a crazy blur. But in a way I've been thankful for the business this season has thrown on me. It's helped me feel more like a new mom, as if I'd just given birth. Life is always a blur when a baby is born. I think it's one of the ways God gives grace for the lack of sleep and the changing of your family to a family of one more. Even with Asher I had that blur. I'm thankful for that grace as well. 
Our family did change with his birth. Though I didn't lack sleep, I think grief has similar qualities to the lack of rest. 

I think the blur has been nice but I'm ready in a way to feel that rawness again. As I neared a deadline today I could feel myself letting my heart let go a little… I cried a few times holding Zoe or listening to a song. I need to feel and cry and long for a child I miss so badly at times I can't put words to it. I miss Asher. Zoe won't change that. She will however be a tiny conduit of God's love towards me and provide me with comfort and joy! I love though that Jesus was a baby that made such comfort and joy possible. We sang God rest ye merry gentlemen on sunday and those words just mean so much more to me this year…. all the songs seem to. 

God rest ye merry gentlemen let nothing you dismay, Remember Christ the Savior was born on Christmas day to save us all from satan's power when we we were gone astray. Oh Tidings of comfort and joy!! 

No more let sins and sorrows grow,Nor thorns infest the ground; He comes to make His blessings flow far as the curse is found. He rules the world with truth and grace, And makes the nations prove The glories of His righteousness, And wonders of His love, And wonders of His love, And wonders, wonders, of His love.

O come, Thou Day-spring, come and cheer our spirits by Thine advent here;
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night, And death’s dark shadows put to flight.

O come, Desire of nations, bind in one the hearts of all mankind;
Bid Thou our sad divisions cease, And be Thyself our King of Peace.


So, I guess when I'm looking at this gift of grace God gave me in little zoe, I am looking through rose colored glasses because everything just looks much sweeter and feels much calmer. Watching her sleep gives new meaning to the words Sleep in Heavenly Peace. Oh that I will sleep in the peace and rest God alone provides me.
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