Thanks for your prayers yesterday morning. I must confess that I was a mess yesterday. It was so difficult to go back there. On the way there I was struggling emotionally, and Dan was trying to understand but couldn't, until we got there and then it hit him. It's been a learning process to see how God often takes Dan and I through the same steps but at different times. I've learned that we as women tend to anticipate our emotions and what they will do during a hard situation, which is difficult because you have the actual emotion and the "pre-emotion"… where as men I think they just walk along and then bam! there is the emotion! and that tends to take them by surprise which is also hard for them. So, that was our morning. Lots of tears, lots of waiting, lots of medical talk. I think I freaked out the whole waiting room as I sobbed over trying to fill out a postpartum form that was asking so many questions about depression symptoms. Of course I cry more than usual, of course I don't feel as happy as I did before the birth…you would think that they would have specific forms for mom's in my situation…but they didn't. I"m glad it's over.
The Doctor did talk a lot about birth control. They say that after losing a baby you should wait at least a year before having another one, and they say to wait 2 years in between c-sections. which both I understand where they are coming from. But I do know that everybody is different, some will confirm those things and others will say that you need longer, and some will say that having another one right away was wonderful for them. Dan and I are still seeking God's direction in all this. I think what frustrates me though, is the OB looked at me and said "take your time, you're young" (I'm 30) but in 4 1/2 years they are going to be telling me I"m advanced maternal age. crazy.
Yesterday was a day of tough moments but then Dan and I had an opportunity to talk about the gospel while driving. I keep being reminded lately how the gospel isn't just something that we tell lost people, it's a daily element of thought for believers to live in. Dan and I both said how it's amazing that when we talk about or hear others talk about the victory of Christ on the cross and how we have no guilt in life and no fear in death, our hearts bubble over with joy and peace. It stirs us.
“If we are to change we must be regularly preaching the gospel to ourselves and believing it. We must be continually showing ourselves, and those we counsel, the depths and greatness of God’s love for them. We must stop wasting our time trying to convince ourselves that we are lovable, and instead rest in the glorious fact that we are loved. It is this message which God uses to change us at the motivational level.” —Redeemer Presbyterian Church, fellowship group handbook
When we choose to think on Christ accomplishing once and for all the sin atoning work on the cross
we are freed from guilt and false bondage to our daily sins that so easy entangles us.
When we choose to think on the Ultimate Victory Christ has over sin and death and evil
we are freed from worry and fear of the future, our Nations well being, death, terrorism, sickness,
When we choose to think on the fact that we were dead in our sins and Christ breathed life into us and rescued us from sin and made us His children.
we are free to walk with confidence and humility as one who was pardoned a great debt and is now a free man but devoted his life joyfully to the one who paid the debt.
When we choose to think on the depth and width of His redeeming love that is truly never ending, and that His mercies are new every morning, and His thoughts toward us outnumber the sands….
then we are free to love others
, including our enemies, and to forgive countless times, to turn the other cheek, to reconcile in a spirit of humility, to have the words to say to someone you never want to speak to again, to know that because we are loved with an everlasting love we have an abundance to pour out on all those around us and in our lives.
When we choose to think on the fact that He has clothed us with righteousness and each day have access to the power of the spirit to live producing the fruit of the spirit.
we are fee to walk in love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control.
Today with God's strength, I am choosing to think on these things!
What are some elements of the Gospel that frees your heart to love and live in joy? When is the last time you told someone…anyone, your best friend, your husband, your child… How God reached down and breathed new life into you? He loves you with an everlasting love… live moment by moment in that thought!