two months

It's hard to believe that I would have a two month old right now if Asher was here. I've been missing him this week and weirdly enough missing his little personality. I know I never got even a glimpse into his personality except what he showed us in the womb. I know he would have been strong willed and a fighter for life. I think he would have been cuddly and most likely a momma's boy…at least at first. But other than that I don't know much about what asher would have been like. I think in a way I"m grieving not knowing that or being able to experience him in that sort of fullness and intrigue. That first smile, the determination of holding up their head to see what's going on, what's ticklish for them, the different cries that only a mother comes to differentiate, the color of their eyes, the hues of their hair, the energy they have or the laid back state of being…. the list goes on. I miss those, I miss being able to write those in his baby book.  I love seeing babies grow into their personalities and it's one of my favorite questions to ask new mom's as their baby grows. 

Tomorrow is my church's baby dedication and I understand why we do that and why as a church we make a big deal out of it, the church body is a big part in helping us raise our children and helping us be parents that are godly. 

I'm sure that parents of little ones who are alive daily find themselves fighting to take control over what they have no control over and that's the ultimate protection and life of their child. I"m sure that they dedicate over and over their most precious possession only to battle fear and control the next minute. May each of the parents tomorrow be thankful for these battles as they keep them as mommies and daddies humble and throwing themselves to God's mercy and sovereignty. 
 They will be standing in front of their church body asking for support and prayer as they desire for their child to be used of God in whatever way He sees fit and good. May we as their church be quick to remind them of Christ's work on the cross and how that even impacts our parenting… for what better position to show and understand what grace means. May we love on their children and care for them often. May we not stand for self pity or complaining in conversations about parenting, seek out ways to point out that they are weak and that Christ is their strength and has them exactly where He wants them as parents. May we soothe fears with a reminder that this child is ultimately not their own but belongs to the Creator. And may we be enduring with their children and their children's needs as they may interrupt a quiet service, spill something on something of yours or that you have to clean up, take longer to do anything like go through lines… go to the bathroom…walk up stairs, Be patient with our friends as they may have to be distracted while spending time with us because they have to keep a constant eye on their child, May we be quick to praise these little ones and point out their successes to their parents, while being bold enough to step in and correct them if there isn't a parent around and they are acting out. (men especially this is needed if there isn't a man in this child's life…be bold, take time for the little ones) May we do all these things in the life of the Families of our church body. It takes a village to raise a child!! 

 I wanted to go tomorrow and somehow be included, but as I tried to figure out how I could still be in that line of new mommies and daddies I realized that I couldn't. We dedicated asher to the Lord in the most final sense possible. There is no re-dedicating our child. He is in heaven and lived every moment here that the Lord intended him to. I am grateful for the weeks that we knew something was wrong before he was born for it provided weeks of daily dedication to what the Lord willed for his little life. Dan and I will be with some friends tomorrow worshiping with them and yes, I will be wishing I was holding my little one standing before my church but I know that many have been standing with us as our arms have been empty. And I will fix my focus upon the Lord who knows fully my child's personality and created each aspect of it. The one who I would imagine doesn't count a person's life by weeks… or months.. but by it's entirety. My child is not a 2 month old baby, He is complete and grown to fullness as his joy increases moment by moment… maybe that's how God measures how old Asher is… "My child is 8947837,328742,238492 moments into forevermore."  At His right hand there is fullness of joy and pleasures forevermore Psalm 16:11
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