Good morning Son,
My night was filled with dreaming and even my dreams knew you were not here. I think my body, mind and Spirit fully understand that you are in your eternal home and not in our temporary home here in Raleigh. I miss you. Mornings and Feeding Times are the hardest for me. I long to hold you and care for you. But I know son, that you are feasting at God’s table and that there is no night where you are. Christ himself causes the light of day all the time there. One day….. I will feast and feel no night.
I was so proud to be your mommy yesterday as a woman knocked on our door and wanted to talk to me. She was a lady who has given her life to living on the street and using drugs to numb any of her earthly pain. She sat and sobbed over your being gone. She has a twins in heaven….you might know them already. She said that she had gotten mad at her friend who was using crack while being pregnant and yelled at her that if she didn’t want her baby that your dad and I did. She couldn’t understand why you were taken away and that lady doesn’t care about her baby yet will probably get to keep it. I told her that you were given to me for a time and that I don’t deserve to demand what God gives me or takes away, that you were His to give and take. You have a purpose and were created for eternity as we all were. You are fulfilling your purpose by bringing God glory and enjoying all the pleasures of our Savior.
Then I turned to her frail, shaking, drunk, hungry, spent and crying body and told her that she was created for eternity and that she was clinging to the dirt and grime of this world but that she had so much more awaiting her if she would just cling to Christ. I told her (while we looked at your sweet pictures) that I too could use medicine and earthly things to numb my heart’s pain over not having you but that I would be trading unending joy unspeakable for short term relief of sorrow.
She said I was so strong…. I told her that it was God’s strength and that she can’t understand it because she has no access to it but that if she would look to what was done on the cross for her sins and look to one who gave His son for her life then she too would have hope and a Savior who would carry her through all trials we face here and give joy that is lasting. I don’t know if her heart was opened yesterday… I prayed it would be. Son, your short little life brought her to our doorstep and I was so proud that your life here was missional and will provide the opportunity for many to hear about Jesus Christ.
I know you are enjoying heaven and the presence of the fullness of joy! I know you are very happy to hear of others hearing about our Savior….it’s amazing to me that you already have a soul that understands these deep great things of God. I miss you. more than I ever thought I could. But I am truly ever rejoicing that you have impacted so many and that God’s ways are so much higher than my ways! I love you. ~ Your mommy.