grief

I can’t believe it’s almost been two weeks since Asher was born. I wish I had a ton to write about and I think in the coming weeks I will, but it’s been just a time of grieving and resting since we buried our son. We cry daily and miss him a lot. My arms really do ache and my stomach has been in a constant state of uneasy butterflies. Dan and I were saying that at times it feels like all this never really happened and then at the same time it feels like it’s all that has happened. Grief is a very unique state, I’ve never been here before and it is hard and not something I would ever wish on anyone. But like my pastor said at Asher’s memorial we feel as though we have hit rock bottom and have found that the Rock is solid and holds.

My mom has been here this week and has really loved on me so much and served me well. It’s humbling to be served like this. Our church family has really been amazing too.

I came across this blog post by a woman who has been through the pain and sorrow of losing a child and it really reminded me not to waste this time of my life. It’s so hard… I want to just wake up months from now and have this behind me but I can’t and must live each day out (I’m so grateful His mercies are new each morning!) But I know that I will look back on this someday and just marvel at the closeness I feel to the Savior during this time.

You can pray……

* That Dan and I continue to grieve well and with hope
* That I continue to heal from the c-section
* That I will see Christ as better than my overwhelming desire for a child to hold and love right now.
* That I will see Christ as better than Asher (this is hard but I know it’s truth)
* That Dan will have the energy and strength he needs daily for school and coaching. It’s tough being apart all day. We really miss having each other all the time to lean on and cry with.

We love you all…..

I’m working on getting Asher’s slideshow online for you all to view and cherish. Also, here are some photos of some details of his memorial service. Thanks for reading!!

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